Shift your What IF!

Have you ever been to a fairground? You take your family and friends to have a fantastic time, but many people may have more memories of fear than of happiness! The rides can get scary. And you may start to think, what if the machines suddenly stop working when we’re hundreds of feet in the air? What if I fall off? What if I puke, choke on my vomit? Well, none of that happened.

But those what-ifs can stop you from having a happy experience. The what-ifs shift our attention from what we stand to gain to what we may lose. There is no greater thief of joy than this.

Does this mean that all ‘what-ifs’ are wrong and should be discarded without consideration? No. All our emotions, positive or negative, are an important part of our make-up and have roles they play.

For instance, emotions like fear and anxiety, which are majorly accompanied by what-ifs thoughts, protect us from possible dangers. So, your brain paints this ‘let’s-pretend-this-happens situation’ in the form of a ‘what if.’ This is to protect you from danger. In itself, this is amazing.

However, not all what-ifs are valid. Over time, many people end up reacting wrongly to the valid ones. In the end, you could end up with severe anxiety, panic attacks, and lose opportunities because of a wrong reaction to something that was meant to protect us. We need to know how to react to our what-ifs properly. And also how to shift them to our benefit.

Believe in Yourself

A lot of times, these what-ifs are because of self-doubts. This automatically means that if you are confident in yourself, your what-ifs will shift more easily because your brain understands that you can face the consequences of your actions.

Prioritise Your Mental Health

Another reason we struggle with what-ifs is the lack of attention to our emotional health. We don’t take time to rest, journal, seek counselling, meditate, exercise, and engage in other things that can boost our emotional health. At the end of the day, when the what-ifs come flooding our minds, we are not healthy enough to respond properly. You need to be intentional about your emotional health to be able to shift your what-ifs.

Process Your Emotions

A lot of times, we feel our emotions are uncontrollable, but that’s not true. We can control it, but only when we understand it. And, we can only understand it when we process it. Processing emotions includes a series of steps which I would outline:

a.   Separate your what-ifs thoughts from yourself

Take on the position of a third person and understand your triggers. Ask if you are having those thoughts because of fear or because of something you have heard or seen.

b.   Face Facts

Compare facts with your feelings. For instance, if you have a thought like ‘what if I pass out now,’ ask yourself questions like ‘have I passed out before?’ ‘do people just pass out without reason?’ You can beat your negative what-ifs if you attack them with facts.

c.    Take a decision

At this stage, you should know if your thoughts are valid or not. If they are not valid, discard them by repeatedly confirming to yourself the facts. Even if you need to verbalise the facts, go on. However, if they seem valid, resolve within yourself how you can prevent it from happening and take that step.

d.   Talk to someone

If you feel you cannot go through your emotions yourself, call a trusted friend or counsellor and walk through it with them.

Accept Uncertainty

Truthfully, you won’t always know everything. Some what-ifs would confront issues that even you have no control over. In cases like this, just breathe and accept the fact that uncertainty is part of life.

Learn to shift your what-ifs

Have you ever been to a fairground? You take your family and friends to have a fantastic time, but many people may have more memories of fear than of happiness! The rides can get scary. And you may start to think, what if the machines suddenly stop working when we’re hundreds of feet in the air? What if I fall off? What if I puke, choke on my vomit, and just die? Well, none of that happened.

But those what-ifs can stop you from having a happy experience. The what-ifs shift our attention from what we stand to gain to what we may lose. There is no greater thief of joy than this.

Does this mean that all ‘what-ifs’ are wrong and should be discarded without consideration? No. All our emotions, positive or negative, are an important part of our make-up and have roles they play.

For instance, emotions like fear and anxiety, which are majorly accompanied by what-ifs thoughts, protect us from possible dangers. So, your brain paints this ‘let’s-pretend-this-happens situation’ in the form of a ‘what if.’ This is to protect you from danger. In itself, this is amazing.

However, not all what-ifs are valid. Over time, many people end up reacting wrongly to the valid ones. In the end, you could end up with severe anxiety, panic attacks, and lose opportunities because of a wrong reaction to something that was meant to protect us. We need to know how to react to our what-ifs properly. And also how to shift them to our benefit.

Believe in Yourself

A lot of times, these what-ifs are because of self-doubts. This automatically means that if you are confident in yourself, your what-ifs will shift more easily because your brain understands that you can face the consequences of your actions.

Prioritise Your Emotional Sanity

Another reason we struggle with what-ifs is the lack of attention to our emotional health. We don’t take time to rest, journal, seek counselling, meditate, exercise, and engage in other things that can boost our emotional health. At the end of the day, when the what-ifs come flooding our minds, we are not healthy enough to respond properly. You need to be intentional about your emotional health to be able to shift your what-ifs.

Process Your Emotions

A lot of times, we feel our emotions are uncontrollable, but that’s not true. We can control it, but only when we understand it. And, we can only understand it when we process it. Processing emotions includes a series of steps which I would outline:

a.   Separate your what-ifs thoughts from yourself

Take on the position of a third person and understand your triggers. Ask yourself f you are having those thoughts because of fear or because of something you have heard or seen.

b.   Face Facts

Compare facts with your feelings. For instance, if you have a thought like ‘what if I pass out now,’ ask yourself questions like ‘have I passed out before?’ ‘do people just pass out without reason?’ You can beat your negative what-ifs if you attack them with facts.

c.    Take a decision

At this stage, you should know if your thoughts are valid or not. If they are not valid, discard them by repeatedly confirming to yourself the facts. Even if you need to verbalise the facts, go on. However, if they seem valid, resolve within yourself how you can prevent it from happening and take that step.

d.   Talk to someone

If you feel you cannot go through your emotions yourself, call a trusted friend, counsellor, coach or mentor and walk through it with them.

Accept Uncertainty

Truthfully, you won’t always know everything. Some what-ifs would confront issues that even you have no control over. In cases like this, just breathe and accept the fact that uncertainty is part of life.

Shift your what-ifs so you can step out of your comfort zone achieve your goals.

What action will you take today? Let me know in the comments.

Thank you for stopping by

Tarnya Coley

Publisher

Author